Val's Story

I am a military brat.  We moved about once a year; one time staying 4 years straight in Texas.  My parents took me to church when they could (Baptist).  It depended on the availability of a church nearby.  I have always believed in Jesus; that He is the Son of God, died, rose again and is coming back.  I have never NOT believed.

When I was eight years old, we were in a church service one Sunday.  I think it was in San Antonio.  I remember the preacher giving the invitation and it felt like an invisible hand reached into my chest and pulled me forward.  I saw other people going to the front, but not knowing what was going on, I stayed put. I found out later that the people that went up front got baptized.  Cool!

I told my mother:  "Mom, I want to get baptized."

She was soo happy!

She said :  "Oh, Honey, did you ask Jesus into your heart?"

My thoughts:  WHAT???  Nobody said anything about THAT!!  Oh, no!  She is waiting for an answer! What do I do?  Dear Jesus, please come into my heart, thank you, Amen.

"Yes, ma'am, I did."

She was happy, the preacher was happy.  "It is unusual to find someone so young making a profession of faith!"

I got baptized, got a pretty piece of paper.  But nothing changed.

Life went on.  And we began the pattern of on again/off again church attendance.  I guess my parents went into their own slump because I can remember going to my mother's door and begging her to take me to church.  She was too tired.  I wasn’t able to drive at that time.

Then I turned 16 and met the boy.  (I know, I know, what else is new?  Just keep reading.)  He wanted something from me I had no business doing.  But I thought I was in love and wanted to make him happy.  He pressured.  I had turned my back on all my friends because they had tried to warn me against this boy.  I had lost my ties with the church.  What 16 yr. old thinks their parents understand them?  So I would sneak out of the house at 2-3 o'clock in the morning and go out to the edge of the housing area of the base and scream out to God to HELP ME! PLEASE!  I didn’t know what to do!  What do I do?  After about 2 weeks, there was no response.  So I gave up and gave in.

As is inevitable in situations like this, it only goes from bad to worse.  He never hit me, but it was only a matter of time before I got in the way.  My parents saw my nervous distress and sent me to Texas to visit my grandparents.  After a lot of mess and drama, we split up (my idea).

Went back to church.  One day, I felt the presence of God come on me really heavy.  I began to weep and the harder I tried to stop, the worse it got.  I was getting some strange looks, so I ran out of the sanctuary. Later, I talked to my Sunday school teacher (bless his evangelistic heart).  He decided I wasn’t saved.  He pressured me to repeat the Sinner’s Prayer.  I got baptized again.  Again, nothing changed.

I met and married a homeboy (someone who has lived in the same town and isn’t going to move.

We went to church together and I began to feel like something was missing.  Something was wrong.  Again, I was convinced I wasn’t saved, repeated the Sinner’s Prayer and got baptized again.  Again, nothing changed.

All my life I had been shown that the Christian life was weekly church attendance, grace over meals, and try to live as honestly as you can.

Boy, that didn’t last very long!  We both got into drinking, smoking, partying, adultery, and other sins.  Thank the Good Lord, we came to our senses and both agreed to stop!

We went back to church, but my husband got offended by an elder.  I got offended for him and we both quit going.  Our children went to Vacation Bible School and at one point or another got baptized.  I can remember my youngest standing at the door, begging me to take her to church.  I couldn’t be bothered. (Sound familiar?)

At the time, I was also self-centered and aloof.  I emotionally neglected my children.  As a result, an awful thing happened to two of them that could have been prevented.  I am not at liberty to discuss it here, but it was awful and God is still working on healing the damage.

Our marriage needed help and I asked God to help us.  He had me join the fire dept. that my husband was the chief of.  It made all the difference in the world!  We finally had something wholesome we could share!  God saved our marriage!

But the pattern continued.

I was working at a mental facility working with Adolescent girls on the night shift. (Yep.) There was a guy working there that was trying to combine Jehovah Witness with Judaism.  Don’t you know THAT sparked some interesting conversations!  I started reading the bible again to get ammunition for my arguments!

Then we got HER.  I cannot give you her name due to privacy issues.  Let’s just say she loved attention.  And she loved the night shifts because she had our undivided attention.  It was an 8 hour a night, 5 nights a week marathon.  After about 2 weeks, I was exhausted.  Mentally, physically, emotionally, you name it, I was tuckered out!  I crawled into my car one morning weeping.  I called out to God on the drive home “Please, Lord, find me another job!  Please get me out of here!  I can’t stand this anymore!  It’s driving me crazy!”  I remembered along time ago, someone told me that if I wanted to receive an emergency message from God open the bible at random, plunk your finger down and read what your finger is touching.  So I did that.  (I know, I know.  But I was ignorant and desperate!)  The message was: Go to church.  Just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke, I did it again.  I did it 10-12 times; sometimes in the front, sometimes the back, in the middle, all over.  The message was the same: Go to church.  Ok, ok!  I get it!  But first a nap!  I was so tired.  I overslept.  All my family was scattered; my husband at the fire station (where else?), my children out at friends.  Do I dare go to church BY MYSELF?  I've been to church; I've heard the ladies talking about the wives that show up suddenly without their husbands!  But I was desperate, and also late!

I decided to slip into the back, participate in the service, and slip back out.  I came in, and sure enough, they were already in the song service.  I found a place in the back, got settled in and the preacher stood up and said: “Ya'll are in for a treat tonight.”  (Oh?)  He said: “I had a sermon all planned out, but God wants me to do something else.”  This man had my entire attention!  Could it be that God was going to speak through him?  Is He going to help me?

He read from Mathew 5 or 6; I don’t remember which.  That's all he did.  But this is what I heard:

DONT WORRY – EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.  GO TO CHURCH, DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO, AND I WILL MAKE EVERYTHING ALRIGHT.

Feel free to look it up.  I did. Chap. 5 is the only one remotely close to those words and only the “don’t worry” part.  I felt like a HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders!  I cried so hard!  Someone else was touched by it, I heard her crying, too.  I went to the altar to thank the Lord.  Then I snuck out the back.  On the drive home, the story of the 10 lepers kept going round and round in my head.  Oh, no!  I was not going to be like those other nine!  I turned around and went back and shook the preacher’s hand and told him the message spoke to me.  He asked if everything was alright.  I reassured him, but didn’t go into it at that time.  I did tell him about it at a later date, but I was too emotional at that point.

Went back to work, and the situation was the same, but I had the strength to get through it.  That night I heard about an opening in the training dept. and I put my bid in.  Nothing happened.  Openings came up all over town.  I picked up applications, made phone calls.  Nothing.  Meanwhile, 2 weeks after the Sunday night service, that girl's father checked her out and took her out of our catchment area!  We never had another 8 hr marathon again!  Oh, we had our problem patients, but we had them settled in by 2-3 o'clock the latest!  As long as I was in church, that is!  I continued my pattern and when I was “Off” God gave me a couple of weeks, then we would get in a problem patient.  I'd come to my senses, go back “On” and the patient would either be transferred or discharged in a week or two.  You'd think I'd learn!

After a couple of months, I started to throw a tantrum.  “God, You said You would find me another job!  You said You would get me out of here!  And here I am! What is the deal?”  When I settled down, I heard God tell me, “I didn’t tell you I would find you another job.  I said I would make things better, and I did.  I want you right where you are.”

It took awhile to come to terms with it, but I did.  And work was better.  As long as I was in church!

One day, I was at the fire station, when I had a mental picture (no, not a vision) of my husband stabbing me in the back with a screw driver.  I had to turn around and see where he was and what was in his hands!  He was across the station holding a wrench!  I asked God what that was all about and He told me I was reading too much Stephen King.  So I let Him choose my reading material.  I read almost every inspirational book in the library!  My favorite though was Max Lucado.  After reading several of his books, God and I started a conversation that lasted several weeks.  He would show me something, I'd ask a question, He'd answer it, then show me something else.  He used books, TV, songs we sang at church.

This is the synopsis of what I learned:

At any point in time, Jesus could have stopped it.  At any point in time, He could have said, “I don’t have to be treated this way!  I don’t have to take this abuse!  Party's over, everybody out of the pool, I'm going home!”

But he didn’t say it.  He followed through.  Why?  Because He knew that if He didn’t I wouldn’t be able to go to heaven and be with Him.  Why did He want me to be with Him?  Because He loved me.  Why did He love ME?  Lazy, inconsistent, twitterpatted, sinful me?  He showed me how a parent loves their children no matter what they do or don’t do.  Unconditional love.

I was overwhelmed.

Then came the question:

After seeing what He went through for you, after seeing the agony, the torment, the abandonment that he went through just for you, what have YOU done for HIM?  Warmed a pew?  Sang a few tired songs?

Then He showed me what it means to be Lord over my life.  I had never let Him be Lord over me.  I got on my knees, in my own words, coming from my heart, I expressed my love for Him, my need of Him, and made Him Lord of my life.  (I STILL cry when I get to this part!)

Did anything change?  You bet!

I became a better wife, mother, housekeeper, employee.  Cleaned up my mouth, became more consistent in going to church, tithing, reading the bible, He delivered me from porn and other sexual sins.  (Yes, even women can have that problem).

God led me to a tiny non-denominational church where I immediately found a home.  There I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and the changes REALLY began!  My temper evened out, I quit smoking!!  I began to really grow in the Lord.  I became more loving, more caring, less self-centered.  He is teaching me about gossiping (ok, it’s a work in progress)!  I have peace, joy, I am learning self-control.

I know that I am saved.  Without a doubt.  I know that I am going to heaven to be with Jesus.  There is more to the Christian life than church attendance and grace over meals.  I am learning to let Jesus permeate all of me and all that is around me.  I am learning to hear His voice and be obedient to Him.

Praise be to God!  Praise be to Him who created the earth and the universe and gave His Son as our Savior and Lord!

Praise be to God!
Val - Texas