SweetSurrender's Story
I met my husband in Oregon and we raised our
2 children outside of church. We went through all the problems of life without
a chance because we didn't know what would make us happy. I turned to drinking
and Norm just vegged on TV and whatever turned him on. We lived very stessful
lives. I worked at Corrections in the Sex Offender Dept. and Norm with the
Military Dept. in the Comptroller's Office. When the Comptroller committed
suicide, Norm had to take over his job and became even more abusive and hard to
live with. In the meantime, I was flirting with a guy at work, a parole
officer, and we decided to have an affair. I later learned he was a Christian
and realize now satan was trying to break up both marriages.
Our lives were a mess. Norm had a nervous break-down and we decided to move to
Iowa, where I grew up. It is a small town and would be less stressful. We
would try to put our lives back together. My mom, who also lived in Oregon,
told me to be careful to not go to her cousin's church, that it was really
weird, so that stuck in my mind as being an adventure. So when we settled and
were living miserably because of Norm's breakdown, my mom's cousin did invite us
to her church.
It was stranger than I'd imagined. We vowed to never go back. But, come next
Sunday, we all agreed, we'd go back. There was just something pulling us.
About the 3rd Sun, we all went forward for Salvation. Norm got better through
prayer and medication, and in about 6 months, was like a new man. My son went
to a Christian School and all seemed well. After going there for awhile, I
noticed that although I was learning a lot, others who'd gone there for years
did not seem as spiritual as I thought they should be. I wondered if I would be
like that. I was learning a lot, but started to watch others and get my eyes
off God. I started a job where there were about 4 of us who went to my church.
I also noticed that my fellow worker (we work in the infant's room together at
this daycare), read her Bible a lot. I just thought she was another Christian.
But she was so kind and patient and I saw in her what I wanted to be as a
Christian. Then I noticed the 4 others who went to my church were living with
their boyfriends and if one of them had a fight, the rest of them would join her
for drinks on Fri. night - to get drunk.
I thought that's no different than I was before. What difference is there
anyway? Well, my friend, Joy and I talked about it because we both thought it
was awful. Then she pointed out to me that they all went to my church. I asked
her what church she went to and she said the Mormon church. I didn't know what
they believed and so she talked to me daily about it, got me a Bom (Book of
Mormon) and invited me to church.
Well, I had this burning in my throat and this same uncomfortable feeling I had
when I was convicted of my sin at my church. I really wanted to go and find out
if this was my answer, because at this point, I really didn't see the difference
in being a Christian through my church and being a hypocrite. I really liked
the comradery at the LDS church and they were really friendly and seemed to just
welcome me right in. My husband didn't want to go to church but would attend
the functions like Firesides and Potlucks, etc. By this time, the pastor of
FCOC had asked him to be the photographer at FCOC and he was committed to going
there. I was working in the nursery but the Mormons met earlier and so I could
attend both services.
I told Joy how I felt, that scary feeling, and she laughed at me and said she
knew what that was. She showed me in the Bom where if you pray and ask the
"Holy Spirit" to show you if the Bom is true, you will get a "burning in your
bosom." She assured me I'd already recieved that. She asked me if I wanted the
missionaries to visit me and I readily agreed. Long story short, I became one
of them. I was so intense in my wanting to obey the 10 Commandments and do
everything right. I was so accepted and I loved the idea of working for my
Salvation. It made me feel I'd earned it. But my drinking became worse. I
would shake if I didn't get the drink I needed. I have diabetes and so was not
really supposed to be drinking. One day when I was at a Fireside, a sweet
Mormon lady noticed I had a lot of bruises and asked me about them. Norm had
stopped giving me bruises, so I really did not know where they came from. But I
did notice everytime I bumped into something, I'd get a bruise. She was a
nurse, so asked me if I drank. She said my blood was too thin and that was why
the bruising. I cut down then but was really scared I'd made a mistake by
joining the church. I started reading non-Mormon things on the internet, like
I'd been told not to do. I discovered Joseph Smith was a fake and saw things
that went on in the Temple that they had sheilded me from that were terribly
wrong. I also noticed that when I had doubts and expressed them to Joy, she'd
get this change come over her face that scared me and she'd get upset, which was
unusual for her. Then I met an Ex-Mormon. She told me it was a demon that I
saw in Joy and that really scared me. But when I tried to quit, all kinds of
things happened to us. My porch swing fell down with me on it and I was hit in
the head so hard the Dr. said I came really close to being killed. Then we had
a fire in our upstairs and had to move into an apt. until it would be liveable.
Guess who our neighbors were - the missionaries.
I became a seeker again because I knew Mormonism was wrong. Finally, I ended up
on a Christian Forum site where I could ask questions and read all the posts and
I felt that acceptance again that I missed at the Mormon church. Someone on the
forum pm'ed me and asked me if I'd ever surrendered my life to God. It was new
to me, this phrase surrender. He told me how to do it and why it was important
to grow spiritually. I didn't pray outloud and so he said to just whisper my
prayer, so I tried it. It was like a load was taken off my back and I have
given the Lord complete control of my life and am learning more each day. I'm
stuck on reading the Bible and am telling people about my experience. I am so
happy and I've been asked why. I am inviting other newbies to my house for
Bible study and am finding that if I ask Him to, God assigns me to people each
time. I just have to ask. It is the joy of my life to share my testimony and I
am now living like my life is not wasted. Thanx for letting me share.
